Sunday, Rainday

I'm supposed to run eight miles today, but, oh darn, it's raining.

Actually I do feel "oh darn" about this, as running has oddly become one of the most consistent and simple pleasures of my life: shorts and a tank, Asics on, earphones in, and then an hour of blessed movement in the park, with the good people of Brooklyn and the music all around me. When I don't run on Sundays now, I feel the same way I feel when I miss church; my life is less rich because I haven't gotten outside it.

It's been a weekend marked by rain, and especially planning for and around it. On Friday a date and I decided to skip the Brooklyn Cyclones game for the Met because of the rainy forecast; we visited my beloved Tiffany room and the roof deck, where we saw "Move Along, Nothing to See Here, a pair of life-size replicas of crocodiles cast in resin, pierced with scissors and knives confiscated at airport security checkpoints." Only in New York, kids. And thanks to the damp conditions Saturday morning, Ben and I waited a mere three hours for tickets to "Mother Courage" at Shakespeare in the Park. I took a jacket, a plastic poncho, and an umbrella to the theatre last night, and thankfully needed none of them: Meryl snorted, kvetched and cavorted, and carried the show and her wagon, untouched by rain.

Good Pictures, Bad Guys, and Pirates

I've finally uploaded most of my photos from my sister's wedding, the Killer Klein Croquet game, the HP tour, and Lumos to my Flickr account here -- all out of order, but up nonetheless. This picture of Melissa, Emerson, and me was taken at the Los Angeles B&N after our final Scholastic podcast, when we were all exhausted and happy. (N.B.: Melissa is wearing a Harry and the Potters shirt that says, "This guitar is a Horcrux.")

+++

Todd Alcott, a screenwriter and very clever man (he made the "Tools for Writers" cartoon linked below), has a wonderful post today on Bad Guy Plots. And Betsy renders great first lines of children's literature into Pirate Speak. To which I'll add: "I ben accused o' bein' anal retentive, an overachiever, an' a compulsive perfectionist, like them be bad things." Hee.

T. S. Eliot on Writing: Three Selections from "Four Quartets"

Words strain,
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still. Shrieking voices
Scolding, mocking, or merely chattering,
Always assail them.
-- "Burnt Norton," 1935

And so each venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling,
Undisciplined squads of emotion.
And what there is to conquer
By strength and submission, has already been discovered
Once or twice, or several times, by men whom one cannot hope
To emulate—but there is no competition—
There is only the fight to recover what has been lost
And found and lost again and again: and now, under conditions
That seem unpropitious. But perhaps neither gain nor loss.
For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.
-- "East Coker," 1940

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from. And every phrase
And sentence that is right (where every word is at home,
Taking its place to support the others,
The word neither diffident nor ostentatious,
An easy commerce of the old and the new,
The common word exact without vulgarity,
The formal word precise but not pedantic,
The complete consort dancing together)
Every phrase and sentence is an end and a beginning,
Every poem an epitaph.
-- "Little Gidding," 1942

Self-Pity Post: Whinny and Whine

I ran seven miles tonight -- seven blessed, freaking miles -- the longest distance I've run since the Marathon last year, and a damn sight less fun. My knees hurt. My stomach hurts. Odd muscles on the outside of my thighs hurt. I just want to lie on my bed and stare into space and emit small moans.

(Moan. Moan.)

I'm fine, really, of course, and heaven knows I'm the one who's choosing to put myself through this -- per my Resolutions, I'm training for a half-marathon on October 1. And the training is going well; I'm actually ahead of schedule. I am also eating like a horse, though I'm not sure if this is because my metabolism is changing or I'm just giving myself license to pig out given how much I'm exercising.

(Moan. Whinny. Oink. Moan.)

Nonetheless, I am taking advantage of one of my four Self-Pity Posts* for 2006 to note my stiff ankles and sore neck and tight back and general exhaustion. And I have to go to work tomorrow, and my apartment isn't very clean, and I have a zit on my chin, and I'm editing a dissertation about medieval pilgrims, and I'm losing in my digital Scrabble game, and, and . . .

Do I have anything else to whine about? Not really. But for good measure:

Moan. Moan. Moan.
___________
* A little-known fact of the Blogger terms of service: Each blogger is allowed four Self-Pity Posts (SPPs) per year, wherein said blogger can whine, scream, kick, pout, make stupid faces, and complain to his/her heart's comfort. Commenters who sympathize can earn an additional SPP for their own blogs; commenters who deplore such behavior in a grown-up get a tongue stuck out at them. Phbbbt.

Bobolinks

No, not Daveolinks or Steveolinks. Bobolinks.

A Book Meme to Be Read by Youyou

(n.b.: The title of this post has been edited, as the old title sounded unnecessarily pejorative.)

1. One book that changed your life? Oh, goodness. Here are three: A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett taught me patience and self-possession; Pride and Prejudice introduced me to Jane Austen, and all that followed from that; and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban introduced me to Harry Potter, and all that followed from that.

2. One book you have read more than once? Any book I've worked on I've probably read at least six times; here I'll highlight The Slightly True Story of Cedar B. Hartley, by Martine Murray, which I love madly for its wonderful, ever-so-true voice and quirky, insightful observations.

3. One book you would want on a desert island? This is a cliched answer, but probably either a complete Shakespeare or a Bible, because they both offer so much in the way of drama, philosophy, poetry, and humanity, not to mention incomplete stories to imagine.

4. One book that made you laugh? Most recently: An Abundance of Katherines by John Green.

5. One book that made you cry? I don't cry very often at books, but the ends of Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince always leave me with the same gaping, suffocating emptiness Harry is feeling.

6. One book you wish had been written? The seventh through twelfth Jane Austen novels; there ought to be more than six. Also, I'm responding as all writers should to this question, and (very occasionally, with huge gaps between the occasions) I'm writing it.

7. One book you wish had never been written? Hrmm. I can think of a lot of histories that I wish didn't exist, because I wish the events they record had never happened; and there are a number of hateful books that caused hateful events to happen, as per their authors' intent, and it would be nice if they didn't exist either; and of course Ann Coulter -- trees should not have died for her prose. (Dead rats should not have died for her prose.) Other than that . . . I am looking at my shelves in a vain search for something lighter, but I don't keep books I loathe, as per the Dorothy Parker principle: "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

8. One book you are currently reading? The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan, which I started just today and will NOT finish tonight, so help me Athena. I am going to sleep instead. Good nights and good wishes to all of you as well.

August Company

Per this article in today's Times, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, has his own blog.

I visited the English-language site (it's also available in Farsi, Arabic, and French) and found it amusing in its similarity to everyday blogs everywhere: He has an RSS feed. He allows you to post comments. He offers a Flickr-like slideshow of his portraits. There's even a poll: "Do you think that the US and Israeli intention and goal by attacking Lebanon is pulling the trigger for another word ?war" (all sic, both grammatically and politically).

And his content too will be familiar to blog audiences worldwide. A little personal reflection: "My father had finished 6 grade of elementary school. He was a hard-bitten toiler blacksmith, a pious man who regularly participated in different religious programs." A little political commentary: "These terrorist groups with the support and directions from arrogant powers, the leader of them being USA at that time . . . thought that they can undermine and collapse the new government right in its beginning. But, the nation of Iran was not ready to give this precious and great Revolution from their hands so easily." He goes on too long (a fault I'm sure I never have ever). And he promises to post again with more discipline:
I will continue this topic later on as it took long in the beginning. From now onwards, I will try to make it shorter and simpler. With hope in God, I intend to wholeheartedly complete my talk in future with allotted fifteen minutes.

He's an Islamic fundamentalist, a Holocaust denier, and quite frankly a terrifying President of Iran. But as one blogger to another: Welcome to the Web, Mr. Ahmadinejad.

FAQ #2: How do I become a book editor?

A lot of people on the podcast tour expressed an interest in publishing as a career, so I thought I'd make this the next of my extremely-infrequent FAQs. I decided I wanted to be an editor in high school, and this is more or less the program I followed—by accident far more than design, I assure you. But it served me well, so I hope it’s useful to any aspiring editors out there too.

In high school
Read. Passionately and widely: the newspaper, Jane Austen, Philip Pullman, Jennifer Crusie, Stephen King, Malcolm Gladwell, Robert Heinlein, T. S. Eliot, Sophie Kinsella, Geoffrey Chaucer, Lewis Lapham, The New Yorker, A. A. Milne, Alan Moore, Larry McMurtry, Lois McMaster Bujold, Mark Twain; fiction and nonfiction, children’s books and adult books, across all genres and at every literary level. If you’re not sure where to begin, ask a reading adult you respect for advice. Then try a little bit of everything and read more of what you love. The point here is developing your taste: finding your literary passions, and getting familiar with everything else.

It is also important to note here that you will probably not be ready for some of the literature you’ll encounter—if you try Philip Roth, say, or A. S. Byatt, or Patrick O’Brian, you may not understand it or appreciate it quite yet, and that’s okay. I took A. S. Byatt’s Possession out of the library when I was in high school because I liked the cover and the sound of the story and I wanted to impress the adults around me; the book itself, however, bored me stiff, and I quit after probably twenty pages. But I picked it up again in college, when I was studying literature and could finally get all the literary references, and it’s now one of my favorite books in life. So if something doesn’t work for you, don’t dismiss it totally; put it away, try it again in a few years when you’re a different person, and see how you feel about it then.

Think about what you read. If you loved a book, what did you love about it? If you didn’t like it, what didn’t you like about it? This will help you both to refine your taste and to develop the practice of thinking critically about literature.

Begin studying argumentative structure and language—or in other words, writing. All writing is persuasion, even fiction writing: You’re persuading the reader to be drawn into your world, to love your characters, to feel the emotion you’re feeling. The five-paragraph essay structure you learn in Language Arts class may seem stupid and suffocating beyond endurance, but it teaches you to practice the most essential principle of good writing, which is show, don’t tell. You lay forth your thesis (“Jane was a beautiful cat.”), and you prove it by showing the reader the evidence (“Her thick coat was a rich, pearly white, her eyes the glassy green of spring leaves, and each foot was tipped in deep black, like a period on her elegant sentence.”). Do this over and over again, and you can write a paper, or a short story, or a whole book.

Of course, you also need to move forward beyond description, and that five-paragraph essay also teaches you to structure and advance an argument the same way you do a plot: This piece of information or section of the argument leads to this piece of information or section of the argument leads to this piece of information or section of the argument, and you couldn’t have that information in any other order (or any of that information missing) without the whole thing falling apart. I knew a computer-science major in college who said that he wrote all his papers like C++ programs: The thesis statement was like setting the main function of the program running, and then each paragraph below that was a subprogram that served the main program. I love this analogy, as good writing is indeed like a well-constructed computer program: Every word is essential, nothing forgotten or else it won’t function, nothing extraneous to bug it up. (Debate is also useful for instilling this argumentative structure in your brain.)

Finally, pay attention to all the boring stuff your English teacher and various style guides put forth about diagramming sentences, "apprise" vs. "appraise," the correct use of the ellipsis versus the dash and so on. These rules are the nuts and bolts of everyday English usage, spelling, and punctuation, and the sooner you have all the rules in your head, the more second nature they will become.

Work on your school’s literary magazine or newspaper. This will give you experience in multiple areas useful in publishing: making editorial judgments; putting a literary product together; collaborating with others to do so, and learning how to negotiate sometimes differing visions; and of course the editing itself.

In college
Continue to practice reading, writing, and literary magazine/newspaper work. People often ask, “Do I need to major in English?” The strict answer is “no,” because the most important things in college are learning to think and read and write, and you can learn all those things in any discipline with the right teachers and challenges. However, English will give you the most hands-on experience with analyzing how a piece of writing (particularly fiction) is constructed and functions, so it is probably the most useful field of study for an aspiring editor. Besides, if you love fiction and reading, being an English major is huge fun because you’re studying the things you love most; ignore your uncle’s jibes about “Fries with that?” and follow your heart.

Work in your college’s Writing Center. This will give you experience with communicating your ideas about what’s not working in a piece of writing to the person who created that writing—an act that requires not just good editorial skills but good interpersonal ones as well.

Read “Publishers Weekly” in your college library. This will teach you about trends in the industry, familiarize you with the personalities and books associated with various publishers, and show you what reviewers value in books--a useful tool in forming your own critical judgment. I recommend this particularly during your junior and senior years, when you’re thinking about getting an internship or getting a job after graduation. (For extra credit and information, check out PublishersLunch and the New York Times Book Review.)

Do an internship. Nearly every major New York publisher offers summer internships to college students, and many offer internships during the school year as well (though they’re often unpaid). Internships helps you make connections, establish a publishing resume, learn what editors look for in manuscripts, discover all the various processes that go into putting a book together. . . . There’s no better way to see the day-to-day life of a publishing house (and particularly of an editorial assistant). Also, fifty percent of publishers are based outside New York City; if there’s an interesting small press located in a city near you, ask if you can do a part-time internship, or even just come in for an informational interview (see below).

Remember that there are other jobs in publishing besides editing. Book publishers also need book designers; copyeditors; advertising designers; marketing strategists; subsidiary rights sellers; publicists; accountants; administrators, and many, many other people as well. If you love talking about books but you don’t really like the nitty-gritty manuscript work, you might make a wonderful publicist. Or if you think you’d enjoy translating a book’s ideas into visual form, maybe you’d be an excellent jacket designer. Follow your passion, and there’s probably a way that can fit into publishing.

After graduation
Consider a publishing course. A publishing course is a four- to eight-week summer course that introduces you to the industry and is usually taught by industry professionals (allowing you to make useful contacts for getting a job afterward). Most people who enroll in these courses have just graduated from college, but they also attract people looking to switch jobs or just interested in the industry.

The two best-established ones that I know of are the Columbia Publishing Course at Columbia University; and the Denver Publishing Institute at the University of Denver. (I thought NYU had one as well, but I can’t find a link to their summer program, only their Master’s degree in publishing.) The two programs differ in that the Columbia course is eight weeks long, covers magazine as well as book publishing, and, as it’s based in New York, is heavily New York publishing-centric, with a wide array of big-publishing luminaries. Denver is four weeks long, focuses exclusively on book publishing, and places its emphasis on small presses as well as big publishing. (I chose Denver because I knew I wanted to be in book publishing and I wasn’t sure I wanted to move to New York; I had a terrific experience there and recommend it highly.) If you’ve done a summer internship, you probably don’t need to attend one of these courses; but if you haven’t done an internship and you’re pretty sure you want to be in publishing, they’re a great way to learn the basics of the industry and make some connections.

N.B.: I do not recommend these courses for writers because you ought to be concentrating on the craft of your individual writing more than the overall business of publishing. Look into an M.F.A. instead.

Go on informational interviews. Editors love talking about their books and their jobs—at least I do—and as we were all editorial assistants once, we’re generally happy to speak with people who aspire to the position. Subjects covered usually include the day-to-day editorial life; how to begin and develop a publishing career; favorite books; and whatever else you’re interested in talking about that’s related to publishing. An intelligent informational interview also establishes you as a candidate for any future job openings with that editor. (For the record, it’s often useful to read one of the editor’s books before the interview; Rachel, our lovely assistant editor at AALB, came in for her job interview in fall 2003, sat down with me, said “I just read Millicent Min, Girl Genius and I loved it,” and instantly became my new best friend.) Editors can be very busy, and they’re doing this for you as a favor, so be considerate of their schedules and appreciative of any time they might grant.

Any other editors or publishing people who read this blog, please chime in with your own advice. And all aspiring editors -- good luck!

ETA, 10/15/09: This is the first entry that comes up on the Google search for "How to Become a Book Editor," so I frequently receive e-mails from people asking for further information or advice. I regret that I am unable to respond to these inquiries at this time. If you want to know more about the craft of editing, please click on the "Editing" and "Writing" tags at left.

ETA, 3/20/10: Two more excellent editorial takes on this topic: How to Get a Job in Publishing, by Margaret Maloney of Bloomsbury USA, and so you want to be an editor., by Sharyn November of Viking/Firebird.

"New York, New York"*: The "To Jo" version**

original lyrics and music by John Kander and Fred Ebb
adapted for John Noe by Cheryl Klein

We're spreading the news
You're coming to speak
You're going to be a part of it
New York, New York
Perhaps you'll drop clues
And give us a peek
Into the very heart of it
New York, New York
You'll Apparate to the city that's never still
To find you're our number-one
Queen of the Quill

We're lined up in queues
Can't wait for next week
To see you here, the start of it
In old New York
And when you make it here
We'll raise a butterbeer:
"Welcome to New York, New York!"

New York, New York!
You'll Apparate to the city that's never still
To find you're Queen of the Quill
Witch of all words
Heart of Hogwarts
A Nimbus One . . .

Those seventh-book blues
Are making us weak
Come on and share the start of it
In old New York
And when you make it here
We'll raise a butterbeer:
"Welcome to New York, New York!"

It's up to you,
Coming to
New York, New York!

_________________________________________________________
* Words as requested by Melissa / Mrs. Lovegood in the comments below.
** I also wrote a version that was addressed to the fans coming to New York for the JKR event and LeakyMug, but this seems to have been lost with my hard drive. . . . The only lyrics I remember from it were the various climactic phrases I tried in place of "And when you make it here / We'll raise a butterbeer": "If you can't make it there / you're not a fan who cares" or "And we must make a plug / for the next LeakyMug" or "And then the LeakyMug / It's like a Harry drug / August two, New York, New York."

Back in Business

My laptop has been restored to me! And thank God, I must say. After spending a mostly frustrating hour on the phone with Verizon DSL tech support in India, trying to reactivate my wireless network, I gave up on the wireless and resorted to the trusty yellow Ethernet cord. Since then I've reinstalled Word and the DVD program; downloaded iTunes, Avast, and Trillian (Skype and Firefox to come, though really I've never used Firefox very much -- is it so much superior to IE?); and ripped all the photos from the past month off my camera. What's harder is reconstructing all my personal settings -- I always have a Desktop icon on the taskbar; how do I get that back? What was my quote in the screensaver scroll? -- and Favorites -- beyond Bloglines, what sites do I visit every day, and what are their addresses again? And this weekend will be the enormous fun of recopying all my CDs to iTunes. . . . Still, after nearly three weeks of forced absence, I'm putting my digital life back together, bit by bit. (Literally, if you'll pardon the pun.)

This computer's original name was Dellawhere -- a combination of its brand name and then-miraculous-to-me wi-fi capabilities -- but, as its new brain/hard drive was installed while I was at Lumos, I feel it only right that version 2.0 should be known as Dellatrix.

Other notes:
  • My brilliant friend Jeff is making a documentary called "Crossed Lines" about the Texas redistricting scandal a few years back, to be Please check out the trailer on YouTube.
  • Speaking of YouTube, you can see John Noe singing my filk of "New York, New York" here (also some great Melissa dancing there), and John, Melissa and the audience performing "It's Voldemort Outside" here.
  • I haven't played Scrabble in, I think, two and a half months, and I'm suffering serious tile withdrawal. Anyone up for an Internet game? Please?
  • My SCBWI website interview from earlier this year is now permanently archived here.
  • An AWESOME article about the Ministry of Magic from the Michigan Law Review (really!): "Harry Potter and the Half-Crazed Bureaucracy." "Part II argues that Half-Blood Prince presents a government that fits perfectly into the public-choice model of self-interested bureaucrats running roughshod over the public interest. . . . Part V concludes that Rowling may do more for libertarianism than anyone since John Stuart Mill."
  • Recent things I've loved: Bing cherries; "Little Miss Sunshine"; the "Absinthe" circus at South Street Seaport (check it out, New Yorkers! I command you); the song "Save Ginny Weasley from Dean Thomas," by Harry and the Potters; running; Brooklyn; being home after all my traveling.
Someday I will write a thoughtful, useful blog post on intellectual/literary/editorial matters rather than all this personal and Harry Potter babbling. In the meantime, thanks for sticking around!

Harry, Home, Hot, and Happy

I'm standing at the bar at the Mac Store at 5th Ave. and 59th St., waiting for Melissa to post to Leaky about tonight's AMAZING J. K. Rowling/Stephen King/John Irving reading. All three of them were fantastic. J. K. Rowling confirmed that the character who died in Book 6 really died (because some people didn't really believe it, believe that or not). She also said he will not "pull a Gandalf," FYI, sadly, but as was said in our podcasts, she doesn't play those kind of games. John Irving was hilarious, reading a scene from "A Prayer for Owen Meany" about the casting of the local Christmas pageant; Stephen King gleefully read a story about a pie-eating contest that turned into a vomitfest. JKR read from the chapter where we (or Albus Dumbledore) first meets the young Riddle. Salman Rushdie was one of the people who asked questions! But he asked whether Snape was good or evil -- kind of a dumb question for a Booker Prize winner to ask, frankly, because obviously she couldn't tell. Ah well. I was sitting on the very first row -- Scholastic privilege, baby -- and Jo's shoes were as fabulous as reported. Wow. I couldn't have asked for a better cap to my two weeks of Harrymania.

Other news: My laptop is being fixed -- getting its hard drive replaced -- hence the lack of posts recently. I have a new shiny red cell phone on Verizon! I am home. It is hot. Today I went to the LeakyMug at the Barnes & Noble Union Square and it was HUGE fun -- everyone should go to www.leakymug.com and listen to it. My sister read MILLICENT MIN on her honeymoon and loved it! I am reading LONESOME DOVE, intermittently. If I were a magician I would conjure an air conditioner for myself, or at least some Freon to make mine work. Can I have a "Genius" shirt without owning a Mac? My brain is in nine million different places at the moment. I need to go collect all the pieces now. Bye!

Choose Your Own Cheryl's Las Vegas Adventure

While the Sacred Code of Sin City does indeed prevent me from describing my exploits there in any great detail, I understand that I am allowed to list the elements of my five days there for all of you to piece together as you choose. Therefore:

  • Bubble bath
  • Melissa, John, and Sue, aka the three lovely people who comprise the senior staff of PotterCast
  • Emerson, Kevin, Ben, Andrew, and Jamie -- a smartass but charming group of young men who comprise the senior staff of MuggleCast
  • Lots of neon
  • Paul and Joe DeGeorge, aka Harry and the Potters
  • Brian and Brad, aka Draco and the Malfoys
  • Alex Carpenter, aka the Remus Lupins
  • A swanky suite at the J. W. Marriott Resort Hotel and Spa
  • Terrible vodka
  • "O" by Cirque du Soleil
  • A large outdoor hot tub
  • Slot machines
  • Hot pizza
  • Cold pizza
  • Conversations with drunk people
  • Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
  • Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
  • Seeing 4 a.m. every morning of the week
  • An insightful presentation from Steve Vander Ark of the Harry Potter Lexicon
  • The desert wind
  • A Rum Jungle cocktail at 11 in the morning
  • People dressed as Draco and Lucius Malfoy, Luna Lovegood, Hermione, Ginny, and Harry
  • A rockin' Harry and the Potters/Draco and the Malfoys concert
  • Sudoku
  • Harry Potter trivia
  • The question "Any news on Book 7?", followed by me shaking my head, followed by the statement, "You know something, don't you?", followed by me shaking my head, nine million times
  • An approximately equal number of Harry Potter Book 7 theories
  • An excellent LeakyMug
  • A crowd of 400 singing my adaptation of "Baby It's Cold Outside" ("It's Voldemort Outside"), and John singing my filk of "New York, New York" to welcome J. K. Rowling to NYC this week
  • Some mild MuggleBoy debauchery (not involving me, thank you)
  • The "Wee Kirk o' the Heather" wedding chapel, which was neither a church nor anywhere remotely close to heather
  • The song "I'm Proud to Be An American" by Lee Greenwood
  • The Fremont Street Experience
  • Many cool Harry Potter fans
  • Palm trees

I can also report that I earned two more T's in the course of the week, thus becoming "Hottttt Cheryl"; and other than some unfortunate aftereffects of the terrible vodka, it was a wonderful vacation. Pictures to come.

+++++

Melissa, Emerson, and I flew into Los Angeles this morning and came straight to the Grove for our last Scholastic tour podcast -- and it may have just been the best of the bunch, with 350 to 400 people tossing out questions and theories, and our responses enriched by everything we learned or talked about at Lumos. Thanks to Lisa, Greg, Marilyn, and Eve for coming out to see it, and to the former three for the lovely late lunch in the Farmer's Market afterward.

The podcasts of our July 20 discussion at Anderson's and July 25 discussion in Las Vegas are now online here, and the recording of the L.A. event will be available there Tuesday. Happy listening!

Of Wizards, Weddings, and Wickets, in Words and Numbers

On Thursday we held the first of our "Let's Talk About Harry" events at Anderson's Bookstore in Naperville, Illinois, just outside Chicago. Melissa, Emerson, and I led a discussion with 250 avid Harry Potter fans -- a standing-room-only crowd -- ranging over Snape's villainy, Dumbledore's family, Harry's heroism, everyone's romances, the four remaining Horcruxes, the enormous list of things that have to be tied up in Book Seven, and the possible Meaning of It All. As a former English major, I loved the fact that We kept going back to the text, from Melissa and I reciting the first line of Sorcerer's Stone to a close reading of JKR's commentary on James's death in the interview to the multiple interpretations of "Neither can live while the other survives" (What does "live" mean there? "survives"?). . . . I said at one point that "J. K. Rowling has created a generation of lawyers" given how closely we were analyzing her words, but "Talmudic scholars" may be a better comparison, as we were talking not to advance specific agendas but for the sheer love of the books and words. You can see pictures from the event here and a Chicago Tribune article about it (where I'm quoted twice and it's called "The best book club discussion ever") here.

  • Time Melissa's and my flight to Chicago was supposed to leave Newark: 10:45 a.m.
  • Time we actually left the ground: 2:40 p.m.
  • Number of Continental Airlines employees who recognized Melissa: 1 (HP fan Tom McAfee of the Newark Airport Presidents' Club)
  • Books finished on airplane: 1 (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist by David Levithan and Rachel Cohn)
  • Slices of Lou Malanti's (correct name?) Chicago-style pizza I had before the appearance: 2
  • Time discussion began: 7:05 p.m.
  • Time the lovely Jan from Anderson's slipped me a note asking me to wrap things up, which was also the first time I paid attention to the clock since we started talking: 8:30 p.m.
  • Time discussion actually ended: 8:45 p.m.
  • Number of autographs I signed: 30 (approximate)
  • Number signed as "Hottt Cheryl": 1
  • Time I collapsed in bed: 10:45 p.m.

Friday I flew from Chicago to Kansas City for a day of preparation and anticipation: picking up my sister's wedding dress, last-minute Walgreen's and Sam's Club and Hy-Vee runs, a manicure for Lis, a pedicure for me, the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, my final dress fitting. Lissa and I slept in the same bed one last time, and she said it felt like Christmas Eve; she wanted to go to sleep quickly so tomorrow would be here faster.

  • Time my alarm went off: 5:15 a.m.
  • Time my flight left for Kansas City: 7:45 a.m.
  • Page of the copyedited So Totally Emily Ebers manuscript I was on when arrived in Kansas City: 258 (of 293)
  • Toenails painted: 10
  • Cost of pedicure in Belton, Mo. (excluding tip): $18
  • Cost in Brooklyn, N.Y.: $15
  • Cost in Manhattan: $25
  • Pans of excellent brisket consumed by attendees of the rehearsal dinner: 3
  • Time I collapsed in bed: 11:10 p.m.

Saturday Melissa and I were both awake by 5:15 and out of bed by 6. My mother made her trademark fabulous waffles, and our Iowa cousins arrived a little after 7:30 for a superfast game of Killer Klein Croquet: off the post, through one wicket, across the yard to the other post, winner take all. Hans made it first, to Melissa's extreme disappointment; besides the fact that possession of the Klein traveling trophy (an extremely ugly statuette of a frog playing croquet) thus returned to the Iowa Klein family, she wanted to take the trophy with her on her honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta. But soon she and I were off to the beauty parlor for our updos with the other bridesmaids, then to church for make-up and dressing and pictures, and then . . .

The wedding. It began with a slideshow (prepared by Lissa) of she and Joe growing up, first separately and then, for the last five years, together; I heard later that the tears in the audience started with the first pictures of blond little Joe and curlicued little Lissa. The mothers lit the candles, then we four bridesmaids and the flower girl walked in to "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee," and once we stood on stage, Melissa came in to Mendelssohn's Wedding March. She was gorgeous, not only because of her glorious princess-y wedding cake of a dress, her upswept hair, her perfect makeup and natural gorgeosity, but because she truly glowed with happiness and joy at marrying Joseph Jackson at last. My father put her hand in Joe's and our pastor spoke briefly about marriage. As Melissa recited her vows, her clear strong voice grew deeper and more breathless, as it always has whenever she talks about things she truly believes. And I found myself thinking again about the power of language, that as they said "With this ring, I thee wed" -- six simple, common words -- they transformed from two separate people with separate desires and needs to one couple committed foremost to each other, always, for as long as they both shall live. A friend of Joe's read Corinthians 13; a friend from church sang "How Beautiful"; they lit the unity candle, were pronounced man and wife, and kissed with a passion that probably would have been frowned upon by Baptists of generations past. The ceremony was traditional, easy, beautiful, and so happy, tears notwithstanding.

After the wedding, there was a cake-and-punch reception in the church basement for all the guests. Lis and Joe fed each other cake, the best man (Ryan) and I signed the marriage certificate, and after a cheerful hour and a half of socializing, Ryan, Melissa, Joe, and I crowded into Lissa's Mazda for the drive to the Lake Winnebago Yacht Club. (We stopped at a Casey's General Store on the way so Joe could get a Red Bull. Getting married drains the energy out of a man.) A friend of Mom's ferried the happy couple across the lake in her motorboat, so they arrived at the reception in the glitter of the magic-hour sun on the water. And then it was eating, and drinking, and dancing, and toasting, and old friends, and new family, all evening long. The musical highlight of the evening was the father-daughter dance, performed, for probably the first time in the history of father-daughter dances, to "Hey Ya" by OutKast -- a song my dearest dorky father loves, and he and Lissa indeed shook it like a Polaroid picture. The bride and groom departed for their honeymoon around 9 p.m., she in a little black strapless satin dress, he in khaki shorts, flip-flops, and a "Game Over" t-shirt; but still, absolutely, made for each other.

  • Number of bobby pins used in my updo: 38
  • Hours the updo lasted, through the wedding, energetic dancing, one night's sleep, a strenuous game of croquet, and a 3.6-mile run: 34
  • Number of bridesmaids (including me, the maid of honor): 4
  • Total number of years my 21-year-old sister has known her bridesmaids (excluding me): 48
  • Number of people who think "Maid of Honor" would be an awesome name for a superheroine: 1 (me)
  • Minutes the wedding lasted: 37
  • Attendees at the wedding: 275 (approximate)
  • Attendees at the dinner reception: 216
  • Total money made during the dollar dances: $96 (approximate)
  • Major League Baseball teams represented at the reception: 1 (the Kansas City Royals, whose logo appeared on the groom's cake)
  • Current American League ranking of the Kansas City Royals, out of 14 teams: 14
  • Number of people who believe this reflects badly on the couple's chances: 0

And Sunday? Sunday was indeed a day of rest, with the exception of one more epic game of Killer Klein Croquet -- a full game this time, circling all the way around our house, with Dad, Uncle John, Aunt Carol, Holly, Bob, Hans, Megan, and moi conquering some of the hardest wickets since our *last* game of Killer Klein Croquet. My two-and-a-half-year-old cousin Preston was occasionally directed, manipulated, or outright bribed to reposition balls or even push them through wickets, and every one of us ran afoul of at least one especially difficult gate. In the end, though, the trophy returned to the Missouri Klein family, though it will travel rather farther afield . . .

  • Number of participants: 7
  • My rank after three wickets: 7
  • My rank at the end of the game: 1
  • Miles the Klein Traveling Trophy will traverse from its current home in Missouri to my apartment in Brooklyn: 1,216
  • Next scheduled Killer Klein Croquet match: October 14, 2006, in Prospect Park.

Racing for the Cure

(a post meant for friends, family, and any interested New Yorkers)

Some statistics:

This year more than 212,000 women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Women living in North America have the highest rate of breast cancer in the world.

A woman stands a 1 in 8 chance of developing invasive breast cancer within her lifetime.

40,000 will die from the disease this year alone.

And in 2003, one of them was my grandmother.

For all these reasons, I am once again coordinating a team for the Komen NYC Race for the Cure on Sunday, September 10. It will be a New York Carleton Club team, but I would be delighted to have non-Carls join the team (search for "New York Carleton Club" in the team listings) or contribute. Many wonderful and life-changing women in my life have undergone treatment for breast disease -- my aunt, my second-grade teacher, my dear high-school Quiz Bowl coach and English teacher -- so this is a deeply personal event for me. While it is hard to express appreciation without devolving into cliche, I offer my most honest and generous thanks to anyone who supports the cause: Thank you, very much.

And take care, everyone.

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

I was listening to iTunes on Friday -- Stevie Wonder's "Superstition," an excellent song for a most excellent night -- when my laptop fell from its unsteady perch and went BOOM on the floor. It's working, but v e r y s l o w l y, so I type this from an Internet cafe in Park Slope while waiting for Dell technical support. I will be posting only intermittently over the next two weeks anyway due to the tour/my vacation: friends and family to see; my sister's wedding on Saturday (it -- and she -- is going to be gorgeous); tour appearances in Chicago, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles; five days in Sin City with hundreds of Harry Potter fans . . . It promises to be a crazy-wonderful time. I hope to see or meet many of you on the way, so if you read this and I don't know you, please come up and introduce yourself.

Would anyone in the New York area be interested in gathering August 2 after the JKR reading for a postmortem drink and discussion? Melissa and Emerson and I aren't doing an NYC appearance, so this might be a nice informal substitute. (Are other people already planning these kinds of meetups? I have no idea.) E-mail me at chavela_que at yahoo dot com if you're up for it (subject line "Harry Potter and the __(you fill in the blank)__") and if we have a quorum, I'll coordinate something.

In the meantime, I leave you with the famous list of "Children's Books You'll Probably Never See" to which KTBB alluded below:
  • You Were an Accident
  • Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
  • Strangers Have the Best Candy
  • The Little Sissy Who Snitched
  • Some Kittens Can Fly
  • Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
  • All Dogs Go to Hell
  • The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
  • Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
  • You Are Different and That's Bad
  • Pop Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games
  • The Tickling Babysitter
  • Babar Meets the Taxidermist
  • Bi-Curious George
  • The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
  • The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
  • Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
  • Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
  • Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear

Happy summer!

Bizarre Foreign Children's Books of the Day

As part of my job, I review foreign publishers' catalogs and ask them to send us copies of books that sound like good candidates for translation. None of the picture books below qualified, but I loved their descriptions so much I typed them up and e-mailed them to a few of my friends. Here they are for your reading pleasure (and I swear to God I did not make any of these up).

WHO'S THE MOST HANDSOME?
Milo is the most handsome gnu in the world. His mother tells him so non-stop. He often asks himself what he's got that the others don't. So Milo decides to take part in a beauty pageant for animals. The first prize is a trip to Paris. But nothing is going as planned. In the crowd of candidates, Milo feels a little alone. And no longer so handsome. Suddenly, he sees a little penguin with his young refrigerator.
A drama is at hand.

GO ON! DON'T GIVE UP, SLUG!
From all appearances, there is a shell; it's a slug and a snail. However, how about if we trace the slug's ancestors? A poem with a unique viewpoint of a slug.

BUD AND THE NAMELESS POTATO
One day, after school, Bud finds a strange potato on the table. Bud runs after the potato and falls into a fantastic world swept away by a huge vortex. Bud wants to know the name of the potato but it doesn't have any name. And so Bud begins to travel with the nameless potato in search of its lost name all around the world.

THE BROTHER EGGSHELL CHICK STILL WANTS TO PUT ON ITS SHELL
Big Brother Egg is the eldest of the pack. While all of his younger brother and sisters have already turned into baby chicks, Big Brother Egg does not want to hatch. He wants to stay in his eggshell forever. But it's high time that he grew out of his shell. . . .

THE CAT AND THE CLARINETIST
"A heartwarming fantasy with full of clarinet sound!" What is best ever for me is a life with cat. One evening there came a cat. She loved the sound of my clarinet. As listening to my tone, she got bigger and bigger, first larger than bed, then larger than house! You will be fulfilled with joy by the growing cat as you read on.

WHERE IS MY LEOPARD-DOTS PANTY?
"Oh my! My leopard-dots panty is gone! It was in my drawer!" a kid shouts in his room, and from here the colorful story begins. First, it's a baby lion who puts the panty on his head to be like his father. Then it's a thick and large snake who takes a nap in the panty hanging down. Up next is a flamingo. Wow! She is wearing the panty as a necklace for her wedding. Then a baby otter wears it like a swimming glass. Very hilarious!

PUPPY POO
A Puppy Poo forsaken at the corner of an alley. Everyone avoids it saying "Dirty Poo!" One drizzling spring day, Puppy Poo meets a young dandelion plant who needs fertilization. Puppy Poo joyfully breaks itself down and soaks into the root of dandelion. This self-sacrifice finally blooms a dandelion bud into its full glory. A moving and lessonful story illustrated by Sung-gak Chong.

A GIRL BORN WITH A SOUND OF FART
In the island far south, a baby was born with a sound of fart. She grew up to be a nice girl and her great fart would often save people from wild animals. Then she was asked to save people from the monster that comes for babies when the moon is full. On a full moon night, she set out for the sea to face the monster, with her powerful fart her only leverage.

THE TOILET EXPRESS
Rubbing his sleepy eyes a little boy gets up to pee. But he bumps into the toilet that was on his way to an excursion. The toilet says he was late already and could not help him! The chase starts. The boy follows the toilet to the station and jumps on the Toilet Express. Dynamic illustrations with that familiar feeling of holding to go and the relief that follows is humorously described.

AREN'T THEY ALL DRUNKEN?
Children always ask adults "Why?" and one of the most frequently asked "why?" is "Why do they drink?" This question leads to other questions like "Why do their faces turn red?" "Why do they keep on saying the same thing?" "What happens in their body when they drink?" "Why they come to themselves after some hours?" No one can readily answer these questions, so let's look into the mystery of alcohol!


P.S. If you love Jane Austen, don't miss Melissa W.'s work of pants genius in the comments on the topic below.

Pret-a-Pottercast

Pottercast episode #47, "Pants," is now downloadable here. In this episode, I talk about my legendarily terrible job interview with Arthur; editing Harry; two possible theories on the infamous gleam of triumph in Dumbledore's eyes at the end of Book 4; Millicent Min, Girl Genius; special Pottercast submissions guidelines; the "Harry and the Potters" concert, and my secret second career as a filker (a.k.a. how I earned the extra T's in "Hottt Cheryl"). We also quote the classic "Lines from 'Star Wars' That Can Be Improved by Substituting 'Pants' for Key Words" and issue a challenge to listeners to come up with their own similar lines from Harry Potter. For inspiration (and because it's just too much fun not to post again), here's the original list:
  • We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
  • The pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.
  • I find your lack of pants disturbing.
  • These pants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
  • Han will have those pants down. We’ve got to give him more time!
  • General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
  • I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
  • TK-421 . . . Why aren’t you in your pants?
  • Lock the door. And hope they don’t have pants.
  • You are unwise to lower your pants.
  • She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally, Commander.
  • Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
  • You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
  • Luke . . . Help me take . . . these pants off.
  • Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
  • That blast came from those pants. That thing’s operational!
  • A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
  • Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
  • Maybe you’d like it back in your pants, your Highness.
  • Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one . . . Your sister!
  • Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
  • Yeah, well, short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
  • I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
  • Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
  • You came in those pants? You’re braver than I thought.
  • Yesssss. The hate is swelling in your pants.

Melissa, John, Sue and I had a great time recording this Pottercast, and I hope you all enjoy it! (And yes, Mom, I'll download and burn a copy for you.)

Home Improvements

I was avoiding doing actual work this afternoon and updated my website instead: corrections on the main page; new links to the catalog copy on the Books I've Edited page; and at long last, Aristotle, Austen, Plot, and Pleasure: What a Dead Greek Philosopher and a Classic English Novelist Can Teach Us about Writing for Children. Woo-hoo.

I also put a new blog on the sidebar of this page -- one I've been reading for a long time, but have thus far been too lazy to add -- the lovely Betsy Bird's Fuse #8. Betsy is a member of child_lit and librarian at the Donnell Central Children's Library of the New York Public Library system, and she still somehow manages to write an insightful book review a day (and post many other fun little kids' books tidbits as well, including an ongoing list of Hot Men of Children's Literature). Highly recommended.