New York

Miss Dynamite, Episode II

February 6, 2002. "She was as naked as a September morn, but a darn sight less coy." -- The Long Goodbye

Valentine's Day. The last one had ended with a round at the station. You don't mind a sexy man in uniform as a rule, but you prefer to be given wine and roses -- not the third degree. Lucky a chipped nail and a lot of mascara can do all kinds of magic, and some poor flatfoot with a lonely temperament is always a sucker for the weepy kind. Sure, it was a dirty card to play, but then, you'd been dealing for so long that you'd lost your Ace of Hearts a damn sight back. You hardly remembered holding it, and now all you seemed to be turning over were Jokers. Even Norman Conquest had folded, and left you looking at the Big House instead of a full one.

Still, you shut up shop and grabbed the package that had come in today's mail. Who needed chocolates when you had a pair of high heels, a full barrel, and a dress so dangerous Hoover would have thrown it in Sing-Sing -- if he didn't keep it for himself. Sam met you on the corner and you two hoofed it all over town, anywhere the drinks were cold and the jazz was hot. He was a good kid, and as long as you didn't get him started on the Dodgers, his jitterbug covered a multitude of sins. He dropped halfway through the night, however, just when you were getting started. They were all like that, and after the G-men had finished picking up the shell casings at the club, you found yourself under the bright lights yet again. As usual, February 14 was less like the Valentine's, more like the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

Miss Dynamite, Episode I

Many years ago now, my dear friend Katy (ktbb) sent me a greeting card whose cover showed the jacket from an old pulp novel: Miss Dynamite, starring that handsome detective Norman Conquest* -- and thus genius was born. Katy has now written four entries in the sad, swanky life of Miss Dynamite, and they all still make me laugh out loud every time I read them, so now I am sharing them with you.

* A joke I am ashamed to say I didn't get till last week, when I Googled "Norman Conquest" to find a picture of the book jacket and got this instead.

+++++

October 22, 2001. "It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window." -- Farewell, My Lovely

Your lips: fire-engine red. Your heels: black leather, impossibly high. Your pistol: a Colt .45. Your name: Miss Dynamite. Impeccably coiffed, you leave your day job at a children's book company to roam the streets of Manhattan in search of a stiff drink and a stiffer man. But as you sip your highball at the club, in walks Norman Conquest, the most dangerous gumshoe this side of the Hudson. The last time you two tangled, you ended up with a bare ring finger and six months in the clink -- damn his eyes.

"Hiya babe," he says. "Riker's treat you well?"

You consider giving him the brush-off, but then you remember that Arthur doesn't need that flap copy till Thursday, so what the hell. "You know," you say, "I bet some girls fall for your nice-guy act, but not me -- I just take the fall."

"Listen, gorgeous," he says, lighting a cigarette, "Nobody asked you to put two holes in Billy's tux -- while he was wearing it."

"I rather thought it improved his looks," you say. "Billy was never known for his sense, fashion or otherwise."

Arnie starts the band playing your song, and you grind out your cigarette on the bar and finish the highball in one go. "Come on, kid," says Norman, and you two step out onto the parquet, the lights reminding you that the last time you let yourself get dazzled, your intern took a one-way trip over the Brooklyn Bridge.

"So tell me," breathes Norman in your ear, "what's the word on the street about the manuscript for Book 5?"

But he shuts up real quick when he feels the cold steel of a barrel against his back. You just can't trust some guys. They make like they're angels -- till you see St. Peter’s boot-print on their backs.

"Bye, Normie," you whisper on your way out. What a city. You go out looking for stiff drinks and stiffer men -- and find yourself surrounded by plain, dead stiffs.

Coming to New York for SCBWI?

Here's my list of things I always recommend to visitors to the city; sorry I don't have time to post links as well. (New Yorkers, feel free to chime in with things I've forgotten.)

  • Take the subway -- after walking, the cheapest, fastest, and most enjoyable way to get around New York
  • Visit one of our fantastic art museums: MoMA (free on Friday nights after 5 p.m.), the Metropolitan Museum, the Guggenheim, the Frick Collection (this latter especially appropriate if you like Stately Homes as well)
  • Or other museums . . . The Lower East Side Tenement Museum is a terrific glimpse of "how the other half live[d]," and I particularly commend the Morgan Library for readers, as they have two terrific exhibits up right now -- one on Victorian bestsellers, featuring some of Charles Dickens's manuscripts and book contracts, and one on Saul Steinberg -- as well as the jaw-dropping heaven that is J. P. Morgan's library
  • Have authentic Chinese food in Chinatown (Goodie's, New York Noodle Town, Dim Sum-A-Go-Go), New York-style pizza (Lombardi's, Patsy's, John's of Bleecker Street, or Two Boots for funky toppings), a hot dog from a corner stand, and at least one ethnic cuisine you can't find in your hometown
  • Stand in the center of Grand Central Station and marvel at the ceiling; extra points if you can find the whispering corner on the floor below
  • Take the Staten Island Ferry past the Statue of Liberty and back again; best when the sun is setting on a sunny day
  • Visit Patience and Fortitude at the New York Public Library at 42nd St. and 5th Ave.; extra points if you go up to the Rose Reading Room, one of the most beautiful spaces in the city, IMHO. You can also visit Winnie-the-Pooh and Betsy, too, at the Donnell on 53rd St. between 5th and 6th, across the street from MoMA.
  • Stroll through Times Square and Central Park
  • Go to the top of a tall building -- probably the Empire State Building or Top of the Rock -- for a view of the whole city (probably not advisable in the cold)
  • Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge (ditto)
  • Visit Coney Island (ditto II)
  • Go to a taping of "Late Night with David Letterman," "The Daily Show," or a daytime talk show (probably a little late to get tickets now, but it's worth a try)
  • See a show, on Broadway or off (I love "Company," "The 21st Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee," and "Avenue Q")

And have fun!

Frog's Day Out

Hey, guys! I'm having a great time here in New York. A couple weeks ago, Cheryl took me for a grand day out. First we rode the F train into Manhattan . . .


Then we stopped to see my friends Patience and Fortitude at the New York Public Library.

My favorite musical? "SpamAlot"! (The French get exactly what's coming to them.) Cheryl and I had cheesecake at Junior's after our matinee.

Then we strolled through Times Square . . .
and caught the R train down to the Brooklyn Bridge. It's a beaut!

We finished the day off with a Mets game at Shea Stadium. I really tried to grab this one fly ball (because boy, I love catching flies!) . . . but it turns out I couldn't let go of my mallet. Darn.I'm having so much fun, I think I could stay in New York forever! Wish you were here!

Love,

The Frog

Six Years Ago Today

I woke up early. I put on my favorite navy blue plaid dress and brown sandals. I had breakfast with Katy in the apartment she was subletting on 23rd St. and 2nd Ave., where I was staying too, and I walked down to the 23rd St. stop of the N/R -- the only subway line on which I felt comfortable -- for the downtown train to Prince St. I exited the station, walked the half-block to 555 Broadway, and for the first time, passed through the doors of Scholastic Inc. as an employee of Arthur A. Levine Books.

This morning, I woke up with the alarm. It was cold and gray, so I wore my usual autumn uniform of black pants, a light shirt, and flats. I ate Raisin Bran at my table while reading the utterly marvelous Tooth and Claw, and took the F train to Broadway-Lafayette -- my home train line, my home station. I walked down Broadway thinking about what needed to be done today: finishing the first-pass corrections to So Totally Emily Ebers, a reject letter for this, a writeup for that. And then I went in and did it all, thanks to the confidence and experience gained through six years of interesting, challenging work.

Hurrah!

Sunday, Rainday

I'm supposed to run eight miles today, but, oh darn, it's raining.

Actually I do feel "oh darn" about this, as running has oddly become one of the most consistent and simple pleasures of my life: shorts and a tank, Asics on, earphones in, and then an hour of blessed movement in the park, with the good people of Brooklyn and the music all around me. When I don't run on Sundays now, I feel the same way I feel when I miss church; my life is less rich because I haven't gotten outside it.

It's been a weekend marked by rain, and especially planning for and around it. On Friday a date and I decided to skip the Brooklyn Cyclones game for the Met because of the rainy forecast; we visited my beloved Tiffany room and the roof deck, where we saw "Move Along, Nothing to See Here, a pair of life-size replicas of crocodiles cast in resin, pierced with scissors and knives confiscated at airport security checkpoints." Only in New York, kids. And thanks to the damp conditions Saturday morning, Ben and I waited a mere three hours for tickets to "Mother Courage" at Shakespeare in the Park. I took a jacket, a plastic poncho, and an umbrella to the theatre last night, and thankfully needed none of them: Meryl snorted, kvetched and cavorted, and carried the show and her wagon, untouched by rain.

Evening Observations

The last time I bought a bedside lamp was in 1987, at the Montgomery Ward Outlet in Grandview, Missouri. It was brass, with a long thin gooseneck and a metal half-shade shaped like a shell, and it's sat by my beds and blessed my reading for nineteen years, through a million changes, in Missouri, Minnesota, and New York.

Until tonight.

I started looking for a new lamp three or four years ago, to soften the light and make a change. I looked at Tiffany-style lamps (at Tiffany-style prices) in the lighting stores on the Bowery; I fell in love with a tree lamp from Eddie Bauer, which they discontinued before I decided to buy; I thought seriously about a lamp with the Brooklyn Bridge on the shade.

And tonight I took the uptown 6 to the Crate & Barrel on 59th and picked up my new lamp. As I walked across town to Ninth Avenue, I passed the Plaza Hotel, which is now being converted into condominiums. I looked at this and realized, "Some little girl is going to live there and really be Eloise." I hope to God she has better parents.

Then I sat in Central Park and read this week's New Yorker, which features an absolutely devastating and necessary collection of essays, letters, and journal entries from soldiers and medical officers in Iraq. It's not online, alas, so if you've never picked up a New Yorker in your life, this is the week. George W. Bush has a lot to answer for.

Then I had dinner with Jimmy, which was nice as always. At one point I was telling him about Zadie Smith's On Beauty (which is wonderful, wonderful, a thousand times wonderful), and I said, "It's just like Howard's End," and he looked confused and said, "What does it have to do with Howard Zinn?" And actually, that is exactly what the book is: Howard's End by way of Howard Zinn.

Say "Howard's End by Howard Zinn" five times fast, I dare you.

After Jimmy and I said goodbye, I got on the C train to come home. As I was finishing up the New Yorker, noisy footsteps slapped down the car; I lifted my head slightly at the sound, and the footsteps stopped in front of me. The man was tall, thin, wearing flip-flops and long silver track pants, and carrying a see-through tote bag over one t-shirted arm. "Do you have a dollar I can have to buy some junk food?" he said, staring at me as he swayed with the train.

I never know what to do in situations like these. The MTA says you should turn panhandlers down and give money to reputable organizations like City Harvest. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Jesus usually trumps the MTA for me, and here I liked his pants and he was honest, so I gave him the dollar. "Thanks," he said over his shoulder as he slapped on into the next car, and I ducked my head with the embarrassment of having and giving.

At Jay Street I transferred to the F. When I sat down, the middle-aged black man next to me, wearing a hoodie, Yankees cap, jeans, and white sneakers, was reading Marian Keyes's Sushi for Beginners, which made me smile.

It has been a strange week. Enormously productive, and with the rhythms of my life restored to what they ought to be: a good 60/40 balance between work and life, rather than 80/20, as much of this spring felt. I cooked, I read, I sent an editorial letter, I saw friends, I exercised. But it has been raining endlessly, and the song haunting my head has been Lyle Lovett's "North Dakota," from his "Live in Texas" album, and its melancholy, its sweetness, its thinking about love and time passing have shaped and suited my mood.

If you love me say I love you
If you love me, take my hand
If you love me say I love you
If you love me, take my hand
And you can say I love you
And you can have my hand . . .

At home I took my golden gooseneck off my bedside table, unwrapped the balcony lamp from layers of plastic and cardboard and styrofoam, assembled it and plugged it in.

-- picture of lamp will go here when Blogger allows me to upload images again --

It is a change. I am not sure I like the change, or that the lamp is in tune with the rest of my bright and undignified apartment. But I am going to live with it awhile and see how I feel: make a decision, and carry on the way.

Three Things Seen Only in the Midwest, and Three Seen Only in New York



1. Flower chains, and the time and peace to make them;








2. Meals of entirely one color tone (Note: This was a dinner I fixed for myself and does not accurately represent my mother's cooking);



3. Me wearing a Garth Brooks concert shirt while playing croquet.














1. The Brooklyn Bridge at sunset;













2. A Dixie Chicks concert at 8:30 in the morning;








3. A dyspeptic pigeon.

Marathon Mania

This all began with a bridge. Two years ago, I made a New Year's Resolution to walk all the bridges linking Manhattan to the mainland and other islands. I have always loved bridges -- the beauty, the height, the connection, the betweenness -- and in 2002 I had crossed the Brooklyn, the Manhattan, the Williamsburg and the George Washington; in 2003, I decided, I would finish them off. The effort turned out to be one of the great joys of that year, as it took me to parts of the city I'd never seen before (the Bronx, Roosevelt Island, Inwood Hill Park) and provided many wonderful walks, stories, and views.

But it also created a thorn in my side: the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge connecting Brooklyn to Staten Island. The V-N is the tallest, highest, longest, bridge in the New York City area and the sixth-longest suspension bridge in the world, 4,260 graceful feet from span to span. Even though it was out of my Manhattan-bridge purview, it was so big and so beautiful I longed to cross it on foot, and I felt I couldn't say I'd walked all the major NYC bridges until I conquered that one. But the V-N doesn't allow pedestrian traffic and never has, which means I've been talking disconsolately about it for years.

Until finally, this last September, Rachel brought up the one exception to the pedestrian rule. She said, "Why don't you crash the Marathon?"

"I don't want to run the Marathon," I said. "I'm not in shape, I'm not registered, it's too late--"

"You crash, idiot," she said. "You don't register officially. You sneak into the starting area, you run across the bridge, and that's it."

Oh.

The more I thought about the idea, the more I liked it. If I were officially registered, I'd be taking a place away from another runner who could actually go 26.2 miles, and I'd feel guilty cutting out without completing the whole thing -- I could just picture my ancestors with their Protestant work ethics frowning down on me for leaving a job unfinished. Running unregistered avoided those problems and provided an attractive air of minor illegality. And I would finally get to cross the Verrazano-Narrows.

So I researched the requirements to enter the starting area (a timing chip and a number) and procured the chip at a NYRR race last week. I consulted Jimmy about his 2004 Marathon experience; Melissa Anelli offered me the use of her apartment in Staten Island (which I had to decline); Katy and Rachel encouraged the skullduggery. Most crucially, the most excellent Jeremiah scanned his number and, through the miracle of Photoshop, made it mine:


(He changed the number and removed his name from the left side so it now reads "Cheryl Klein.") On Saturday he even nobly took time out from the Notre Dame game to help me fake a decal for my timing chip. That night I laced the chip on my shoe; laid out my new running top, t-shirt coverup, and favorite shorts and socks; reviewed the plan; and went to bed in a state of high excitement.

Sunday morning I was up at 5:30, on the subway by 6, on the S53 bus by 7, and at 7:30 I was lying through my teeth to a nice man from Dallas who wanted to know how long I'd been training and what my pace was. "Oh, about four-thirty," I said.

That is four hours and thirty minutes, for the record. Who's crazy enough to run that long?

The answer is 37,000 people, and all of them were in Fort Wadsworth at Staten Island. I tried to be inconspicuous, but I wasn't enough of a runner to know that you always wear long-sleeved shirts and pants to a run to keep your muscles warm, so I stood out a little in the 55-degree cool. . . . I kept my number covered and my chip out of sight. I was supposed to be in the green group, which was relegated to the bottom level of the bridge, but fortuitously I met up with Jeremiah and his friend Mike (Jeremiah's on the right in the picture), and we decided to join the blue group instead. We hung out for two hours (much of it in line for the Port-A-Potties) before the Powers That Be finally began to move us to the start.

This was where it got exciting. People yelled, whooped, did team cheers. Clothes flew through the air as runners stripped off their warm-ups and threw them into the trees. Jeremiah and Mike peeled off for one last bathroom break. I streamed forward with the crowd through a few bends, down toward the toll gates, around a big U, where I tossed away my t-shirt . . .

And there was the Verrazano. It was gorgeous, but I was almost too caught up in the energy and exhilaration of the morning to appreciate it: We were running now, all of us, up the long straightaway to the first anchorage, with volunteers cheering on the sidelines and TV cameras capturing our first enthusiastic sprints. I loped two hundred feet, took a picture, ran another two hundred feet, took a picture, and kept that up pretty much all the way across the bridge, trying to preserve as many memories as possible. (I discovered after about ten pictures that my memory card was full, so I started running and deleting old pictures from my camera at the same time, which must have looked incredibly goofy.) The morning was bright and cool and the spirit was electric. I whooped as I crossed under each anchorage, the Verrazano mine at last.

And then we were off the bridge, following the curves, descending into Bay Ridge. The good people of Brooklyn greeted us with shouting and signs and applause and encouragement. Here I came to my big dilemma: I had thought that I would come off the bridge, run to Fourth Avenue, and catch the R straight back to Park Slope -- I had to be at church to count the offering at 12:30 and I definitely needed to shower before then, so that was surely the most sensible thing to do. But it was only 10:30, and I was curious about how far I could go. . . . I passed the 92nd St. station and thought, I'll just run to the next subway stop.

By 89th Street I'd decided: I was running home, all the way to 9th Street in Park Slope. And it was a glorious happy four miles after that, waving to the spectators, humming along with the bands, grabbing water, taking the occasional picture, all the time forward forward forward in that blind runners' drive. Everyone yelled or yodeled as we crossed under the highway bridges. The shop signs changed from Italian to Spanish to Arabic to Chinese to English. I watched the street numbers count down and thought about how much I loved New York. Is there a greater city in this world? No, there is not.

I turned off at 9th Street with regret; I had gone nearly seven miles, my longest distance ever, but I was still so hyped up I wanted to run even farther -- to do the entire marathon, if I could. There was one picture left on my camera, and I asked a passersby to take my photo before I removed my wonderful number:

And then I walked up to 5th Avenue, went straight into a Dunkin Donuts, and ordered a Boston Kreme. Best. Doughnut. Ever.

Next year, I'm running the whole thing.

"The Perfect Day," by Cheryl B. Klein

(with apologies to Alice B. Parsons)

You wake to the soft murmur of NPR
announcing a Bootsy Collins interview
on the legend of the funk
Your best friend calls to say happy birthday
and you chat for fifteen minutes
You get out of bed
put on your running clothes
slip two dollars in your pocket
and lope on a golden bright morning
to Grand Army Plaza and home again
stopping only for a
pudding-filled
chocolate-covered
Krispy Kreme
doughnut-of-the-gods

You sing Marilyn Monroe songs in the shower
and wear your Thomas Pink shirt and blue-glitter shoes
(which hereafter shall be known as
"the magic shirt" and "magic shoes")
for the first time ever
Cream roses glow on your desk
and a fat little Maneki Neko
raises a cheery paw
E-mails and voice mails and text messages
wish you the happiest of days
You edit good books well
take Scrabble turns between manuscripts
and nobody stalks you with deadlines or guilt
Lunch is curry in the sun with a friend
and it warms you inside and out

At Times Square with Agent R
you sip something swanky and sweet
and when a Canadian offers you a drink
from across the room
you appreciate the compliment
(the magic shirt does its work)
In "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee"
you are selected for your Broadway debut
and sit onstage with the actors
to spell "indigent" and "palaetra"
Though "vigintillion" is your downfall
the announcer likes your shoes
and everyone applauds as you go back to your seat
The musical is wonderful and true
and your mother is so proud!
Afterward, french fries, Riesling
and gossip gossip gossip
in the taxi home
you lean back
a grown-up
twenty-seven years, one day,
and happy.

The Gates

I went to see the Gates with my friend Rachel on Saturday. People who complain that they aren't moved by them or don't understand them are missing the point, I think: The Gates aren't meant to be inherently emotional or hugely complex and intellectual. Rather they just are, like a mountain or a tree, and the meaning of them comes through interacting with them: walking underneath the frames, watching the material flap in the wind, admiring their curve along a pathway, taking pictures, smiling at strangers, experiencing the ebb and flow of park life through their steady lines. The meaning is also in the miracle of their sudden appearance in the park and the brevity of their duration. . . . For me they were like a visual representation of happiness or joy: a flame in the dark, a flower in the snow, pointless, untouchable, but deeply warm and gladdening. Thank you, Christo.

After Rachel and I walked through the park from Cherry Hill to 86th St., we had afternoon tea at the justly renowned Sarabeth's. And then I got a laugh out of this New York Times article: With $3.50 and a Dream, the 'Anti-Christo' Is Born. \